Saturday, November 21, 2009


I've stayed away because I haven't had anything to say. Head full of cement. Emotions as tightly packed as a can of Heinz vegetarian baked beans. Depressed, anxious, worried: check, check, check. The usual, then. Been there, done that. Here it comes again.

I am thinking of construction and deconstruction. So much of life is just that. Doing what needs to be done, then taking it all apart to do it once more. Things as simple as getting up in the morning to go to work, then coming home and letting it all wash from your body. And getting up the next day, still weary, to start over. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I am tired of all that. Tired and tired and tired.

I am also working on a manuscript that is not where I thought it was, that is in fact very far away from where I thought it was. So here it is: construct, deconstruct, construct. Again and again.

But I am tired of all that. Tired and tired and tired.

So what will give me the energy and will that I need to move forward? On this gray afternoon, I don't see much. Just an ongoing landscape of lonely work that never quite reaches completion, for which there is little reward.

Pretty drab and miserable, eh? Well, folks, that's why I haven't been posting. I want to begin anew, though. Somehow find, once more, the pulse and the push that I need.